To All The Mothers and Their Mothers and Their Mothers Before Them

"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people, promptly announces she never did care for pie."

 ~Tenneva Jordan

Huh?  I don't think so! I like my  pie too much for such nonsense. 

Today I blog about Mother's Day because if I didn't someone might shoot me or land an airplane on me. Oh, wait that might happen anyway! Seriously just because my mother's current husband is an airline pilot...... I do have good wishes for all the mothers in the world today, and as a mother myself, dammit, we deserve this day!

Forget the tender memories of labor, birth and the first time I held you in my arms. We can ponder that 364 days out of the year, and probably still are paying for that labor and birth with scars and pain. Today should be a day when you are simply Queen for The Day. That's right. I said it. Queen for The Day. That means the following activities are not fit for royalty:

Laundry (don't you do it!)

Preparing a meal

Using stain remover in any way, shape or form

Picking up dog poop

Cleaning lint from the dryer (get away from the laundry facilities!)

Cleaning lint from your belly button

Running the dishwasher

Watching any children's shows on Nickel0deon,  Disney or other

Wiping off counters

Texting a teenager

Waiting in any type of carpool line....Sunday School or Nursery School included

Sitting through any interminable sports practice

Brushing anyone's teeth, even your own

Wiping anyone's behind

Feeling like you must "do" your nails or toenails

Helping with Algebra 3 or Physics homework

Getting out of bed

So there. You're free. Go about your own royal duties, and practice your wave. Happy Mother's Day!